Month of Surrender

This has been a month of surrender. Surrender to me means giving up what I really want, and I feel like I have had to do that a lot lately. I think surrender helps us get our eyes off of ourselves and reminds us we are not in control of everything. My first and largest issue of surrender has been with my Mom. Soon she will be dealing with very intense chemo and radiation for her cancer and tumor. This is, of course, not what I want for her. Her life has quickly changed, and there isn't a day that goes by where I don't feel a deep sadness and disappointment over the whole situation. Yet my Mom has taught me that I need to take one day at a time. I am so proud to be her daughter, even though I have to surrender what I would really want for her!
My other matter of surrender is regarding my little peanut (Jeffrey). I stopped nursing him for the last time a few weeks back. It was no easy thing for me, but I felt like it was time (he is over two years old). Though there still isn't a day that goes by where he doesn't ask for it, "urse urse?" he says. Then when I say, "sorry Jeffrey - urse urse all gone", he asks for juice instead. He is quickly distracted, but still it breaks my heart. I loved those times with him. Holding him close, talking softly to him and knowing he needed me. He is my last child too, so I'm sure that plays a part in it all. I have to surrender and give up what I want - what I want would be to just keep him a baby forever! But I know he has to grow up just like the others! Sad!
Another thing that Matt and I both have had to surrender lately is figuring out what we should do for schooling for our kiddos. We have been wrestling over this for a long time, as Luke and Lana will be entering into Kindergarten in the fall. It is a long story, but we just really want to do what is best for each of them and there is just so many options these days. We have thrown around the idea of homeschooling but still aren't sure. I have had to surrender knowing what to do. Letting go and just waiting to see how God leads. Maybe I still won't know this summer, but I have to keep surrendering it.
I hope I can view surrender as a positive thing not negative. Though it is a daily struggle! Thanks for journeying with me through my month of surrender.